Decisions, decisions.... (LAURIE FARIA STOLARZ)

One of my books, Bleed, was inspired by the notion of decisions – how the choices we make in life, big or small, can have a domino effect, impacting those we may not even know, in ways we may never have imagined. 

The decision to answer a phone call, for example… What if one doesn’t answer and lets the call go to voice mail? What is the impact of that choice, not only for the person receiving the call but also for the caller? 

And, how about the impact made as a result of the caller’s next actions? What if he decides to call someone else – for the better or the worse? Or get into a car? Or drink something he shouldn’t? Or take a walk? Who will he meet on that walk? Where will he drive to? Who will he speak to? What will he learn? What future mistakes will he make? All of those questions are impacted by choice – his choice, as a consequence of not having his phone call answered. So many possibilities.

Life is like that too. We do the best we can with choice, based on what we know in the moment, but choice can be tough, obscure, unclear, blind, seemingly too risky, and/or made from a place of fear. Choice, for many of us, can be downright terrifying. Because, what if? What if we’re making the wrong choice? Or the safe choice? Or the risky choice? Or the uninformed choice? Or the easy choice? Or the choice that doesn’t best suit us?

On the other hand, some choices feel quite simple. The choice to take a dream job, for example. One would likely say yes to the offer. And, working at “Dream Job” would, without question, come with more choices – lots more. Should one pursue certain projects? Network with certain people? Take public transportation or drive? Or walk? Who will they meet along the way? What choices will present themselves as a result of taking this job?. 

Then, at some point, one might wonder, what if they hadn’t taken this dream job? What if they’d moved to the south of France instead because that had been a dream too. Or what if their construction of a “dream job” was made from a template of fear?

With every road we take there is a road not taken too.

Most would argue that some situations don’t come with a choice. Illness, for example. Or loss, too, in its many forms (loss of a friendship, a loved one, a job, a sense of innocence…) Some philosophers – and others way wiser and more evolved than me – argue that in such cases, we may not have a choice over the situation, but that we do have a choice over how we think about that situation.

Logically, I get it, but realistically, I’m not there yet. Maybe someday.

And, as for our stories, our writing/fiction/nonfiction/poetry/prose... Those come with their choices too. Should I explore the story of a broken friendship? And, if so, should I tell it from the perspective of the person who’s too hurt to continue on with this relationship? Or from the perspective of the person who doesn’t see any issue – at least, not yet? Or maybe I should tell it from both perspectives, alternating chapters? Should I use past or present tense? Should I write it for a particular audience? And, how about structure? Do I want to try something totally different (different for me, at least, from my other work, that is)? Should I write it in free verse? Or make it a screenplay or podcast script? Or put it on Wattpad, teasing out chapters, just for fun? Or keep it a secret until I’m ready to sell it? Will I even try? Maybe it will end up in a drawer.

So many choices. 

I guess, for now, I’ll continue to do the best I can, in every given moment, with the limited information I can. 

Then, later – maybe, possibly, but hopefully not – I’ll second-guess myself and ask what if?