Total Coward (Holly Schindler)

 

I have a confession:

At one point, I was a total coward. 

We all have moments of it. Of retreating even when we know we shouldn't. 

This particular moment came shortly after my first book, A Blue So Dark, released. I got an email from a teacher at a local school district. She told me she was enjoying my book, but they were having a meeting, and was I available to show up?

I had a bad feeling, even then. This was 2010, what now seems like a lifetime away from the push to ban any reading material that features or is written by anyone other than white, straight Christians. (Males? even better.) But like I said, bad feeling. A meeting? Of faculty? Not students? About what? Why me? 

I had this feeling I was about to be banned. That I was going to be asked to defend my book. Which is to say, I was going to be asked to defend, well, me. Me and all the choices I had made on the page. The swearing and the drug references, etc., etc. 

I chickened out. Said I wasn't available. 

Now, I'm not entirely sure that I'd go blazing in to some faculty meeting today (especially considering what school board meetings look like), on a white horse, colors flying. But I would definitely ask them what was up. And I'd definitely have an official statement. 

If there's anything the last few years have given me, it's practice speaking up. Defending what I think. Which is, essentially, defending me. 

I can't go back and answer the 2010 email differently now. But when another one comes, I'm ready. 

~

Holly Schindler is the author of A Blue So Dark. She does not think book banning makes any sense. And she is not afraid, here in 2022, to tell you so.