Real Life: Sign Me Up! (Mary Strand)

This month at YA Outside the Lines, we're talking about social media vs. real connections with people.

(It's a bit ironic to talk about this on a blog post, which isn't exactly a real connection, although it's more of one than social media.)

ANYWAY, the topic made me think of the opening to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody":

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality

Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see

Like many (but far from all) of my friends, I'm all over social media. I practically live on Facebook, or appear to ... if you don't know me well. On Facebook, I have a personal page, a book page, and a music page. Instagram: regular and music. Toss in BlueSky and Twitter/X, although I don't hang out there much.

None of the time I spend on social media is the highlight of my life. Sure, I've made a lot of connections there, which is great, including with writers and musicians I rarely have a chance to see in real life. High school classmates: ditto. Relatives from Norway I don't really know: how cool to have even a small picture of their lives.

In a sense, these are real connections. They're just not entirely real.

I had lunch with a good friend last week. I rarely get the chance to do that: life is frantic. But for two glorious hours we ignored the towering pile of demands on our time, and we talked. About writing. Life. Books. In fact, we ended lunch with an impromptu walk to Barnes & Noble so I could help her find books her grandson would love.

More real-life connections: I try to get out to hear music once or twice a week, but how real is that? The music is definitely real, but it's often too loud or would be too rude to talk, so most "conversations" consist of "WHAT? I CAN"T HEAR YOU."

On Instagram, I take my daughter's advice and post occasional pretty pictures. My Instagram music page is more about music releases and shows and such, but I don't want to hammer people over the head about my music ... or books, for that matter. Frankly, there's not a whole lotta connecting on Instagram.

On Facebook, though, I usually post once or twice a day. Funny memes, pictures of walks or adventures I take, book news, music news. I rarely comment on friends' posts, though, although I'm quick to click the "like" or "love" or "care" button, and I waste too much time doomscrolling. I don't argue politics with anyone, or anything else. Avoiding arguments keeps me (relatively) sane and my blood pressure low.

Arguments or not, social media isn't real life. It's a sanitized or even hyped version of our true lives. I'm almost never going to post the crappy aspects of my life. We ALL have crappy aspects: lots of them. You're fighting with your spouse. You want to run away wtih Chris Hemsworth but he never even CALLS. (heh heh.) A friend starts ghosting you. You've been sick as a dog for a week. Someone close to you is dying. You're worried about your kids. (If you have kids, that worry rarely goes away.) Your manuscript just got rejected by an agent for the 549th time. You're working so hard that you're exhausted ALL THE TIME and wonder if it's worth it and when you'll ever catch a break.

But no, I don't say that, and most of you don't, either. (And for God's sake, please don't post any more photos of open wounds on Facebook. I beg of you.) Instead, you'll just see funny memes or photos from my latest adventure. Yeah, I do have adventures, and I travel when I can. If I didn't, I'd go insane. But it's not a fair snapshot of my life.

Last night I had a horrendous case of insomnia and managed only two hours of sleep, but I had to get up early and spend a big chunk of the day working on music. I need to spend HUGE hours as soon as humanly possible listening to audiobook versions of two of my books, with more coming soon thereafter. I could seriously use a hug. All I got was a fresh chocolate-chip cookie from Bruegger's. (It was insanely good, thanks for asking.) I currently have an ungodly amount of work on my desk, all of it due in the next few days. Including this post, which I'm writing at 11pm. I genuinely have no idea how I can get it all done. The weather sucks at the moment, so I can't even squeeze in a short walk outside, and my body is not pleased.

None of that appeared on social media. And I can't get a hug from social media, either.

So: social media vs. real-life connections? That's an easy one!

Mary Strand is the author of Pride, Prejudice, and Push-Up Bras and three other novels in the Bennet Sisters YA series. You can find out more about her books and music at marystrand.com.