Saturday, October 8, 2016

I Am Not the Jackass Whisperer--by Kimberly Sabatini

This month we are writing about things that scare us.

Let's be honest.
There's an epic ton of things that make me go...


So, I've tried to narrow it down. Neither one of us has the time.

 But do I pick THE scariest? What does that actually mean?
Longest held fear? Newest fear?
Writing fears? Young Adult Fears?
Which direction should I go?

In the end, I decided on the fear in my life that is yelling the loudest at the moment.

The Homo Sapiens.

Yup. I'm bat shit scared of people right now. 

If your looking at me and scratching your head, clearly you haven't been following the election. 

But it's not just that. Although, clearly--that is enough.

I'm not ignorant, hate is a staple in our world. But right now, it feels like there is so much darkness out there. So much more than usual. It's like someone gave hate permission to wave it's freak flag. And it's not just the onslaught of this ugliness that's getting to me. It's also the perception that it's coming at me from so many different directions. Some days it's overwhelming. And it doesn't just scare me, it makes me sad--deeply sad. 

And as I watch so many heroes stepping up, fighting for love, kindness, light and all those other good things in life, I want to be doing that, too. I am against ALL THE BAD THINGS. At least the ones I can think of. Heck, I'm even against the stuff I inadvertently do wrong, the crap I'm too ignorant to understand about my own mistakes. Sometimes I mess up, but I want to be better. 

I want to step upon the battlefield of life and do my part to fight the good fight. I long to be another sandbag on the front line, stopping the flood of haters, even when they keep coming in endless waves.

But some days I don't even know where to begin. Some days I'm overwhelmed and I feel insignificant and not up to the task of saving the world. And often that scares me as much as the haters do. And then I run the risk of shutting down completely and rocking in a corner while eating chocolate ice cream. It's not an attractive picture.

So, I've been thinking about it a lot lately--you know while I've been downing the chocolate. And I've come up with a solution that appears to be working better than anything else I've devised up until now. 

I figure I can't be the only one feeling this way. 
So, I thought I'd share it with you...



There you have it. My plan is NOT to be the Jackass Whisperer.  
Well, that's at least part of the plan. 
Step one.

I think of it like putting my oxygen mask on first. I can't help anyone else if I'm unconscious. I can't be anything good for anyone else if I've been "infected" by the haters. If they make me loose my cool, stoop to their level or just doubt who I am and what I'm about--the haters win by default. 
And that just sucks.
 And even worse, when the haters get inside my head and heart, I'm no good at implementing step two.

And step two is all about understanding who you are. Knowing what YOUR super powers are and figuring out how to use them to your best advantage. To everyone's benefit.

Lately, I've been thinking about what I bring to the table. 
I provide words in the form of books. 
Not everyone can do that. 
But I can. 

So, I've opted to stop trying to win over the haters and instead I'm focusing on my writing.
It probably isn't the bravest, most earth shattering thing that can be done to change the world. But it is what I can do. And what I CAN do is probably a lot better for the world than listening to me whine about what I CAN'T do.
 
And maybe when my words are in the world, there will be readers who find me and are sparked into seeing the possibilities of what they CAN do. 
Perhaps they will find something between my pages that will help them to feel less scared.

So, here's my plan moving forward:

I'm done trying to win over the haters. 

I'm dedicating myself to the people who are worth my time, love and attention.
 
I can not fix you. 
You can only fix yourself. 

And because of that, I'm taking my gifts and giving them to the people who aren't screaming hate. 
I'm giving the best of me to those whispering...find me.

I AM looking for you. 

Now I ask you...
if you stopped being a Jackass Whisperer, do you know what you could do?

2 comments:

  1. Oh, Kimberly! It's like you looked into my soul. I love this so much. I need to read it every day.

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