Friends - the Other F Word by Patty Blount

 I have a love/hate relationship with friendships. 

Yeah. I know how that sounds, but it's true. 

I have a handful of really good friends, those ride-or-die friends that I KNOW I can call at 3 in the morning and they'll say, "How can I help?" 

My husband is one of them. We've known each other since our teens (back in the 80s). He gets me like no one has ever has. 

But, as co-blogger Sydney Salter said, "Writers need writer friends." There is no larger truth than this. If you want to be a writer, you need to find other writers because only other writers can understand why you're spending hours finding the perfect name for a protagonist, or why you're obsessing over finding the perfect way to describe a facial expression. Writing can drive you nuts but you nevertheless love that trip. 

And let's face it -- asking a spouse to read the opening scene to your latest novel for the nth time is likely to get you an eye roll, a grudgingly offered, "It was fine the way it was," and worst of all, the query, "Again??"

But friendships come with drama. Lots and lots of drama. Many of my friendships have fizzled out and died, like balloons left hanging long after the party's over. I know I share in the fault, but I refuse to take all the blame. 

Friendship should be a two-way street. When it's not, it starts to feel a lot like resentment. 

My husband and I used to be great friends with another family whose son played ice hockey with my son. We hung out often, backyard cookouts or pro hockey games, and so on. In fact, I once saved the mom from choking to death with a Heimlich Maneuver. But once the boys graduated high school and stopped playing hockey, they stopped returning my phone calls. 

Even when my mother died, no call back. 

I found that to be unforgivable so I gave up. I didn't then and still don't deserve to be ghosted. Their lack of reply was in fact, a reply. 

I've had friends speak so badly behind my back that it still baffles me how shocked they are when their awful words found their way to me and thus, back to them. Like, you really didn't think I'd hear this? Isn't that why you said these things? 

Friendship, for me, is often knowing when to give up. 

But those are the worst parts of friendship. The good parts...well, it's a lot like labor. It's pain and torture and goes on for hours but you get this incredible little baby out of it and it's all worth it. 

I have a dear friend I've known for more than 20 years now. When my son was diagnosed with cancer at age 28, she was one of my first calls. I was consumed not just with grief, but with GUILT so profound, I didn't know how to process it. It was more than "Is this somehow my fault?" Did something I eat or not eat cause this? 

It was accepting that I COULD NOT HELP HIM. There would be no kissing this boo-boo, no way to bear the pain for him. I couldn't even be there for him because this was during lockdown and the hospital would not permit me inside. 

I enjoy writing complicated friendships like mine. My second novel, TMI, featured two very different teen girls and how they approached life and love. My latest novel, THE SMELL OF SMOKE AND ASH, depicts the deep bond between two boys who consider themselves brothers of the heart. 

One of my writing idols, Nora Roberts, writes friendships beautifully. Check out her Sign of the Seven series starting with The Hollow. 

And several of my co-bloggers have mentioned the strong ties among Harry, Hermione, and Ron in Harry Potter. 

What fictional friendships do you enjoy? Tell me in the comments!