True Friends?

 I wish I could tell you that this is one of those feel-good stories. In a sense, though, it is. Here we go...

Sophomore year in high school, I found myself becoming very close with a new friend. I can’t quite remember how the friendship started, but I do remember where. It was in front of the vending machines in the school cafeteria, which holds no importance to the fact that we clicked and started hanging out a lot. Talking. Joking. Laughing. Commiserating, too. She had some issues with both family and other things—I mean we all do, right?—and I was happy to listen, offer advice and, generally, be super supportive. It seemed like she depended on me more than on our other friends, and it was great to feel needed. 

A few of my true and fabulous friends :)

The friendship continued through high school, and things were going so well that we decided to room together in college. The summer before, though, her neediness became more intense. I felt her leaning on me to an uncomfortable extent. Even so, I thought it would pass, and the good times would go on in college as they had before. Not so much. Longer story, short...we went our separate ways.

Fast forward about 8 years. Very happy in life, I found myself in a group of like-minded women. I particularly connected with one, and we became close. For a while. Once again, issues. Again, neediness. Again, losing myself in the drama. Again, I needed to ease off, which I did gradually. It hurts me to hurt people, and I didn’t want to do that this time either. 

Are you beginning to see a pattern here? 

It continued a year later. This time, though, when the acquaintance (who, I’d witnessed, had even greater issues) made an effort to get closer, I was cordial and kind, but I took an immediate step back. I realized that I could not be a true friend to her if she was already looking for therapy from me. Valuable lessons learned. Finally. I'd been a magnet for those who need more support than I’m capable of giving as a non-professional. 

It may be a cliche, but true friendship is a two-way street. In the past, though, some of those cars were headed on a one-way ramp toward me. And truly, I'm glad for the experience.

As a writer, to fully connect with my characters, it requires the ability to empathize and sympathize with people in real life. And I do.

I’m happy to report that for years, I’ve had a great, wonderful, amazing, add-your-own-superlative group of true friends. And that is the happy, feel-good ending I promised you.