No. Don’t. Stop.
A very wise family therapist once said in a training session that the three words in the title of this post are what children hear most often while growing up. I’ve pondered that observation many times since she said it almost thirty years ago, which brings me to the topic we’re discussing this month-pressures, stresses, and life balance. If those three words were ingrained in us as negatives, how have they affected us over the years?
Demands on one’s time have shifted greatly since I was a teen. Back then, I had chores and homework. That was pretty much it. We weren’t expected to be involved or scheduled every moment of the day. It left time to roam all over 187 acre Sennebec Hill Farm, time to find a quiet secluded spot on the forested hill across from the house (it’s still one of my favorite places), read endless books, hunt and fish, as well as have marathon chess sessions on Saturdays with my best friend. We followed them with the creature double feature on a local TV station.
Then came college, followed by the harsh reality of the work world, bundled with marriage, kids, and the pressures of others’ expectations. Let’s not forget the impact of political/social awareness. As a Vietnam War protester, I couldn’t ignore the way our world was becoming a more evil and darker place without acting.
While some demands on our time and energy are unavoidable, I cringe at how intimidated some are these days when it comes to expectations placed by others on their time, energy, and funds. My grandkids are over scheduled and their parents have taken of so many external responsibilities their lives aren’t fun.
I was like that for a long time until I realized I had no reason to feel guilty when a sparrow died in Afghanistan (hyperbole, I know, but hopefully you get the point). I know we are at a critical point for many social and civic organizations. The Grange, Lions Clubs, Kiwanis, etc. are all struggling. Members of those and similar organizations have a median age nudging eighty. I think this is the other edge of the under sixty commitment overload.
Is it my (or your) job to save an organization? I think not. My biggest struggle when I contemplated retirement wasn’t what to remain a part of, it was my self-image. I had to work through and accept how much of it was job related versus person related. It took six months, but was well worth the effort.
Saying no is like an undrilled bowling ball. If you don’t elaborate, it makes it very hard for the other person to keep going for you’ve left them nothing go grab. I know this has been rambling and lengthy. Hopefully, you got something useful from it.
One event/request I did say yes to is co-facilitating two round table discussions at the Maine Crime Wave on September 27th in Portland. Details here. https://www.mainewriters.org/maine-crime-wave
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