The Joy of Saying No (Mary Strand)

This month at YA Outside the Lines, we're talking about pressures, stresses, and life balance.

The thought of this topic makes me wanna grab a jar of Nutella and a spoon.

I'll just say it up front: I live a life of almost constant stress and pressure, and I'm not good at life balance.

But a girl can dream.

No, actually, I can do more than dream. On the rare occasions that I'm in utter and complete balance, I feel fantastic, and I do seriously want to keep that going. I mean, don't we all?

First task: SAY NO. I've long followed the rule of "SAY YES" to everything. Or, at least, everything that sounds good, even if the "how"s of making it happen are difficult, exhausting, and send my stress levels soaring. A raging case of FOMO (fear of missing out) doesn't help. Only recently, after month upon month of the stress of putting out my second album and pushing hard to find music success, I've actually started thinking about saying no. Or saying fuck it (can I say that in a blog? I'll find out!) and dropping everything to have fun instead of working constantly.

It can be as simple as leaving my computer by 6pm instead of 10pm. Working half of a weekend day instead of the whole day. For me (since I know it's not true of everyone), taking time for a long, hardcore workout. Going to someone ELSE's gig. Getting a massage. Dropping everything (as I did this past Monday afternoon) on the spur of the moment to make a second trip to the Minnesota State Fair.

It may sometimes even involve something counterintuitive. Last week, I decided to sit at my desk and actually do NINE (!!!) unbelievably stale and dreaded tasks and cross them off my to-do list. They've been there for MONTHS, day after day, totally stressing me out. (One of them, it turned out, took only 10 minutes to do, and HOO BOY I'd been dreading how difficult it would be.) And the truth is, last week was GLORIOUS as a result. Crossing nine whopping things off my mental list of stresses in a single week was worth every single second I took to make that happen.

This week has been SO much better as result. One happy result: I was able to return to working on novels! And went to the State Fair. And got a massage. Halleluiah!

I just released my second album a month ago (I Don't Need Your Permission, available everywhere!), but I've already written the songs for my third album, a Christmas rock album, releasing in time for Christmas 2026. Recently, I started talking about the Christmas album with my bandmates and co-producers, including whether we should record and release a single THIS year. Yes, the excitement was raging. So was the FOMO. But I took 24 hours to think about it ... and said NO. I just finished an album. It's time to RELAX! (At least a little.) And write and revise novels! The world will survive just fine without a new Christmas single from me this December.

It. Felt. So. Good. To. Say. No.

I'll probably always want to do more, see more, and go more places than most people I know. I'm hardwired that way and have been all my life. But I'm tired (literally) of being stressed all the time, and this whole "life balance" concept is looking GOOD.

Not that I've achieved it yet. But finding balance is now at the top of my to-do list.

Wish me luck!

Mary Strand is the author of Pride, Prejudice, and Push-Up Bras and three other novels in the Bennet Sisters YA series. You can find out more about her books and music at marystrand.com.