What Grief Gives...

 by Charlotte Bennardo

Grief. It's the one constant in everyone's life. Whether it's a beloved relative, a pet, a sense of self, freedom or whatever, we all must deal with it some time. For me, beyond the loss of loved ones, I would count the loss of wonder as one of the biggest losses. 

I remember my great-grandmother, on her 100th birthday. As a kid, I simply couldn't imagine having one hundred birthday cakes, one hundred (at least) gifts. Remember fireworks as a kid? We'd ooh and ahh at all of them, even the little ones. Sparklers were the highlights on the Fourth of July. And Christmas...waking up to a lit tree with presents underneath, the cousins coming over for dinner and to play our new games. I was fascinated with the twinkling of fireflies, imagining them taking fairies on nighttime rides, using their lights like car headlights. 

Photo by marclyc li: https://www.pexels.com/photo/enchanting-fireflies-in-a-serene-forest-setting-38188604/

But then came wondering about going to college, what job would I want to do as an adult, would I get asked to the prom, how I could say goodbye to friends come September when we all went our separate ways after high school?

I grieve the loss of wonder, and joy, and awe of simple things. When I write about loss in my novels, if I haven't experienced a specific loss firsthand, I think about the loss of wonder, and how I feel. One hundred birthdays brings stiff joints and walkers. After five or so, the fireworks start to look the same and sparklers are dangerous. As an adult, there are fewer gifts under the tree because the kids are grown and gone. Fireflies are out late at night, when I'm in my bed. 

When I write about grief, I think of the before-hand; when all things seemed possible and shiny. When my soul soared and my body celebrated. Revisiting that wonder gives me a few moments of the elation I felt, so when I write about loss, the grief is much more poignant. We all must suffer grief, but with grief comes a nostalgic look back at happiness, even if it only lasts for moments.  

Charlotte is busy promoting her new YA fantasy, The Excalibur Vow, and is working on the sequel people have been asking for. Her adult sweet romance, Christmas Bells, Hanukkah Lights, will debut December 16, 2026. She writes MG, YA, NA, and adult novels and short stories in sci fi, fantasy, contemporary, horror, paranormal, and romance genres. She is the author of the award-winning middle grade Evolution Revolution trilogy: Simple Machines, Simple Plans, and Simple Lessons. She co-authored the YA novels Blonde OPS, Sirenz, and Sirenz Back in Fashion. She has several short stories in anthologies, online, and her website, along with newspaper and magazine articles. She's applying her MFA skills on several children's and adult novels and short stories. She lives in NJ but dreams of a Caribbean beach house. And more cats.