Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Summer Jobs (Brian Katcher)
First of all, I want to remind everyone that as a teacher, I get summers off, and as an author, I don't have to teach summer school. Just wanted to let you know that. Neener, neener.
But there was a time when summer meant work. Before I started teaching the citizens of tomorrow, I paid into Social Security.
1992: McDonalds Fry Cook
Advantages: They really didn't expect a lot of me. Cheap meals. Free ketchup.
Disadvantages: Seeing how the food was prepared inspired me to bring food from home. Grease burns. The uniform pants had no pockets.
Memory: Eating at Taco Bell in my uniform
1993-1995: Mall Survey Taker (those obnoxious clipboard people)
Advantages: Great job for lazy people like me, I could find a quiet corner and daydream, forging the surveys later.
Disadvantages: We were the lepers of the mall, avoided by all. The creeping sensation that I contributed nothing to society. The hideous knowledge that there are people out there--adult, well-paid people--who stress about television commercials.
Memory: When we did food surveys and got to gorge on the free salsa and cookies.
1995-1996: Temp Factory Worker
Advantages: Somewhat of a macho job. Got to run big machinery. No dress code.
Disadvantage: As a temp, I got bad hours and lower pay. Molten plastic burns like napalm.
Memory: Sneaking home plastic car parts to my college apartment.
1996-1997: Substitute Teacher
Advantages: None. None whatsoever.
Disadvantages: What goes around, comes around, Brian. Poor job market in the summer.
Memory: An actual tornado hit the city while I was teaching.
1997: Furniture Mover (Sears)
Advantages: Slow paced.
Disadvantages: I realized just how clumsy I am. This was also the only job where I had to pee in a cup.
Memory: A customer asked me to test out a bed to see if I thought it was comfortable. Then my boss walked in and thought I was napping.
And there you have it. Well, it's 11:00 AM on a Tuesday, let's see what Ellen is wearing today! Did I mention I don't have to work?