All Aboard the Friend "Ship"
by Charlotte Bennardo
Navigating friendships... I hope you're not looking to me for anything pithy.
Have I had/do I have friendships?
Yes.
The reasons are because I moved (a number of times), they moved, I left for college, life threw things at me. Most of all, the reason I believed some friendships ended was because of change. I changed, and/or they changed.
And that's life. Now I've reconnected with some high school and college friends but the friendship is different. In books, we read all these wonderful stories about friends who stay connected it seems like forever. Take the friendship between Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasely. If they were real, they probably would remain friends forever because they have a long history, a lot of trauma and loss, and many happy memories together. That's a bond that isn't easily broken or walked away from.
But if you look at the friendship say, in my YA co-authored book Sirenz, Sharisse and Meg didn't start out as friends and even though they share trauma and experiences and become friends, I don't think the friendship would have lasted forever. They were two completely different people with vastly different goals, values, and outlooks. They were thrown together, made the best of it, and then went on with their lives. I think this scenario is true not only for a lot of people, but maybe to everyone at one point in their lives. Look at the friends you make in high school and college. Once you finish your time in those places, people scatter and it's hard to stay in contact (although easier now with social media). So we make new friends in a new town, at a job, through other friends, in group hobbies or activities, even neighbors. And that lasts a while, until change, trauma, or whatever else intervenes.
Navigating friendships is a constant in our lives. I made a friend recently, but it seemed I was the only one calling about doing things, going places, etc. I'm a person that it has to be a two-way street, there has to be roughly equal engagement or I abandon ship. Then there are those people who are happy to see you when you can do something for them, but disappear when you need something. But is that really a friendship, or a convenient acquaintance for the other person? That's part of the difficulty in navigating friendships, deciphering the real from the imposter. And what about when something happens and suddenly that friend wants nothing to do with you? YA and MG novels show how navigating friendships is especially hard because younger characters, like we once were, are learning to navigate on their own. There are no adults who will step in and say everyone gets five minutes with a special toy. This learning process is the basis for so many novels because it's important and inevitable all through our lives to steer a course through friendships.
So that's where we all are, splashing around or streaking through that sea of uncertainty named friendships. If there's ever a rule book, I hope it has all the answers.
Charlotte writes MG, YA, NA, and adult novels and short stories in sci fi, fantasy, contemporary, horror, paranormal and romance genres. She is the author of the award-winning middle grade Evolution Revolution trilogy: Simple Machines, Simple Plans, and Simple Lessons. She co-authored the YA novels Blonde OPS, Sirenz, and Sirenz Back in Fashion. She has several short stories in anthologies and online, along with newspaper and magazine articles. Having finished her MFA, she's applying what she learned, and is working on several children's and adult novels and short stories. She lives in NJ but dreams of a Caribbean beach house.
Comments
Post a Comment