Monday, February 8, 2021

The Journey of My Existence Outside the Line -- By Kimberly Sabatini

 This month on the blog we're talking about fresh starts. 


At some point in my personal journey of trying to figure myself out--

I broke into tears.

I was beyond frustrated.

 Despite all the work I'd been doing on myself--

I appeared to be right back to the same place where I'd started.

I found myself deep in the realization that I hadn't moved forward at all. 


Until someone pointed out that my perception of my progress wasn't exactly accurate.

I was looking at things incorrectly.


If birth is point A.

And death is point B.

And I draw a straight line between the two--

the trail of ink that represents my journey is not the unbending path from point A to point B.

That line is a path of least resistance. 


But, like everyone else who is living fully,

the line of my existence looks more like a spiral staircase.

 It winds upward--dancing, wobbling and orbiting out into the space around my A to B trajectory.


Truthfully, somedays I traveled further from the path than I would like.

And maybe some days I don't go far enough. 

But mostly, when I've wandered for too long--

I manage to come back. 


And it's always on those moments of reentry--

the return to the familiar--

that I realize...

 I've made no progress.


At this point in my personal journey of trying to figure myself out--

I break into tears.

I'm beyond frustrated.

 Despite all the work I'd been doing on myself--

I'm right back in the same place where I'd started.

I KNOW I haven't moved forward at all. 


But it isn't true.


I am at a new spot on my journey from A to B.

And I've forgotten how far I've climbed, 

distracted and disoriented from the side roads more or less traveled.

Even though what I'm facing FEELS like the same old challenge.

It's an evolution.

And the act of facing what is hard--again and again.

Is actually a revolution.

An achievement.


I am not where I started.

And even if I'm not where I always think I should be--

I have new perspective--

about the world and for just a fleeting moment...even about me.

And I'm better for it.

And because of that perspective, 

I remember that the process of growing might go a little smoother

 if I grant myself some absolution, as part of my solution.


And so begins another fresh start...

on the journey of my existence outside the line.



 




                            k, 

13 comments:

  1. When I was new in recovery and feeling frustrated with (my perceived) lack of progress, someone told me the following. "If you hike through mountains, you will frequently feel despair at your lack of progress...Until you reach a peak and look back to see just how far you've come."

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  2. Yes, yes and YES! I promised myself last year - and again this one - to be more gentle with myself. As Larry says, "Falling on your face is still a step forward." ;-) xoxo

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  3. I started a journey to learn to love myself a few years ago. It has not been easy.I often slide back into old habits. But as Berek said, when I look back, it's easy to see how far i've come! I have it all journaled.

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  4. That's so amazing--and I think you're awesome so come to me if you need a pep talk. ❤️❤️❤️

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  5. Yes! We're always making progress...even when it doesn't feel like we are.

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    1. Reassuring to be reminded of that from time to time. ❤️

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  6. Great insight here! Thanks for sharing your journey. I feel like progress is always two steps forward and one step back rather than a steady trajectory and pace. Sometimes frustrating but it gives me an opportunity to slow down and see what I'm supposed to see/learn/experience more fully. Trusting that process is the true challenge for me.

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  7. Beautifully spoken words of encouragement...

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