I'm a Total Bastard (Brian Katcher)

I love April Fools Day. It's a great way to release the inner child in a way I can only do on fifty or a hundred other days of the year.

When I taught English in Mexico, my kindergartners had never heard of April Fools day, so it was great fun hearing their jokes.

"Look! A spider! No, is a joke!"

Upon return to the US, I continued making everyone's life hell by sending out realistic e-mails to my coworkers. One year I announced that all photocopying would have to be done at an off-site location. Teachers would merely have to submit their copies for approval two weeks in advance and their papers would be delivered the day before they're needed. It would, of course, be necessary to plan ahead.

Hee hee

My best prank was when I had been tasked to videotape every flippin' item in my school for insurance purposes. Teachers were concerned that their personal equipment would be considered school property. I assured them that this would not be the case. Then, on April 1st, I emailed that, as it turned out, anything on the video WOULD be considered school property. In order to avoid confusion, anything belonging to a teacher should be removed from the classroom by the end of that school day.

Those of you in education realize how much stuff a teacher can acquire during a career, including furniture. I think someone actually threatened to tar and feather me after the dust settled on that one.

I decided to stop pranking when I accidentally made a new teacher cry. I sent an email saying that I had overheard the superintendent saying she was in big trouble for misuse of the school internet, and she should click this link for advice on how to do some damage control. Of course, the link led to a page that said 'April Fool!' but the poor woman (who had spent about ten seconds online checking her NCAA bracket) broke down in tears.

Joke was on me.

Just remember to take everything with a grain of salt and a smile this month. My eight year old daughter didn't seem happy when she woke up in her old crib on the first of April, but someday she'll laugh.

We took pictures.


  1. We have to be related. When I wrote my weekly library columns for newspapers, I pulled off some great AF jokes. The best was when I wrote about hatching a baby rattler and both a county sheriff and a game warden showed up at the library to confiscate it. There was a dad sitting in a chair reading to his three year old and listening while this was going on and I thought he was going to fall on the floor he was laughing so hard.


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